Big Dick Days

I had a friend in high school who used to think that some days his dick was bigger than others. He referred to these as "big dick days". It eventually became a metaphor for days in which everything seemed to go his way.

Hanging out with him, it was not hard to notice which days were the good ones. They were often typified by his attitude. On the BDDs he tended to act more "powerfully". He was able to solve problems, be creative, and deal with what ever might come up. We once discussed which might have come first..the attitude or the putative physiological effect.

I think there is something to be said about men who surrender they power and act like eunuchs. They are overwhelmed by small problems, they get easily frustrated, and they tend to be inadequate in every possible way. They usually try to compensate by acting like Neanderthals. They swagger, bluster, and threaten but when it comes time to act like a man, they are hung like a mouse.

I think there are a lot of influences that contribute to this type of behavior. The fact that so many boys are mentored by women is a huge issue. There are few men mentoring boys in the ways of an evolved masculinity. Too many athers have surrendered their important role in the family to be nothing more than an earner. The measure their success not in how the raised their sons but rather in how much they have achieved at work. Sadly, what ever role they have in the work world is time limited. Eventually, they stop being the boss, the doctor, the lawyer, the professor and face a vacuum...a very painful vacuum. Too many come home and expect their families to treat them like they were recruits in the family boot camp.

In the BDSM community, there have always been mentors. In the past, your passport into the community had to be validated by those mentors. Now, we have thrown open the doors and invite participation from just about anybody. Which has lead to a planned meeting to address some of the consequences of this policy. So once again we will try to "herd the cats". The problem is that we have surrendered our power to make a difficult choice and express that somebody is just plain nuts. In the old days, misbehavior in the community led to being excluded. Now, some people are so castrated that they can't even deal with the tough issues. I think it is the continued poison of assimilationism. We have to recognize that only we can accept ourselves and trying to convince everybody that we are just nice people who have a quirk is ill advised. We play on the edge and there is not room for everybody.

The most powerful people I know, are those who are willing to take a stand when it is difficult to do so. They are willing to express the minority viewpoint when others want to pretend that all si well. They do not act rudely or even unkindly when they have to take a stand that is easily seen as rude or unkind. They are willing to tell somebody that they are not welcome, not because of prejudice or bias but because they are willing to take the responsibility for their decisions and express their discomfort including those they feel are not appropriate.

Mental illness in your bowling group is one thing, having somebody with personality pathology or depression can be catastrophic in your leather club. We need the big dicked folks to take up leadership positions and act with the power and authority that entails.